


Start at the End

by glackedandmullered



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: suicide-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:15:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glackedandmullered/pseuds/glackedandmullered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had no idea when the feelings started, they just came on all of a sudden one day and consumed his every waking moment. Everything got harder and harder and he figured that this was the only way for it all to end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start at the End

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt on tumblr: ah ot6 prompt? michael feeling depressed and suicidal and such and making offhand comments like "wouldn't it be better if i was gone" "i don't belong here" "what's the point of it all" but he tries to make it like a joking manner and the guys buy it but then he maybe tries something and guys catch him and prevent him from doing it and just hold him/be around him while he breaks down?

Gavin was worried. 

Gavin didn’t get worried easily. He held the belief that getting concerned over things never help anything, questions could be answered and problems could be solved and overcome, no need to get worked up over them.

Nonetheless he was definitely getting worried about Michael.

One of the first real signs came as they were recording a minecraft let’s play. 

“Michael you saved me!” Gavin cheered as Michaels character slayed the Enderman that had been chasing Gavin down the map for a good ten minutes. He sighed in relief over the blocks of diamond in his inventory which would have been lost to the map if Michael hadn’t appeared. 

“Gavin you would be _screwed_ if you didn’t have Michael to protect you.” Ryan quipped.

“Can’t deny that one.” Gavin agreed as he sprinted off to find his chest so he could at least attempt to keep his shit safe.

“Oh come on Gav, let’s be honest you’d be fine if I wasn’t here.” He was laughing too, along with the others but there was something in his voice, an edge to his words that hit Gavin deep inside and he couldn’t bring himself to laugh along.

\---

The next sign came when he walked in on Michael early on a Wednesday morning. He was curled around his microphone with a stack of games to his side and a bunch of windows opened on his screen.

“What are you doing?” Gavin asked casually as he loaded up his own computer and sat down at his desk, Michael looked up with a start as if he hadn’t heard his boyfriend come in.

“Oh hey Gav, just thought I’d get ahead of the game and record a few rage quits today.”

“But you record them every week, that’s your thing.” Gavin muttered, confused by his boys strange behaviour. 

“Yeah but this way if I have to go away then there’s something for you guys to upload.” He explained with a shrug and hit save on the screen he was editing. 

Now that just didn’t sound right. 

“You planning on leaving us, Michael?” Ray pondered from his position at his desk. 

“Course not, but you never know, right?” There was a smile on his face as he faced Ray and it took a few tense seconds for the Puerto Rican to reply.

“Right.”

Later on Gavin’ll kick himself for not realising then and there that something was seriously wrong. 

\---

He wandered into the kitchen a while later to find Michael leaned against the counter with the coffee pot in his hands. He hadn’t poured any, he was just staring into space, posture slumped and head low. 

He jumped in surprise when Gavin put a hand on his shoulder and greeted him with a quick grin. He poured the coffee with an unsteady hand and sipped it as he crossed the kitchen heading for the office.

“Michael are you okay?” Gavin called after him and the man stopped dead on the spot.

“Never better, Grabbin.” He didn’t turn around, he didn’t want Gavin to see that the smile in his voice was not present on his face and he settled for shuffling away to his destination leaving Gavin behind, head trying to piece together a puzzle with pieces from different boxes. They just wouldn’t click.

\---

“Hey Ryan, do you think something’s going on with Michael?” he asked one morning while they set up the mics for the day. 

“Why?” Ryan questioned back as he leaned over the young man to plug in a connector. 

“I don’t know he just seems…distant lately.”

“He’s probably tired, we’ve all been working like crazy these last few weeks, he’s been fine with me.” His gaze lingers on Gavin for a moment longer.

“Something you want to tell me, love?” His voice is slow and careful and Gavin waves a hand, dismissing his concern. 

“Nah, you’re right, he’s probably just tired. I’m just being silly.” 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, course. See ya later Ry!” He jumped up from his chair and gave Ryan a quick kiss on the cheek before walking out.  
\---  
A week later Michael tells them all he’s taking some holiday and going to see his Parents. He says it’s been too long since he’d just gone and surprised them and of course he gets the go ahead from Geoff and, on an early Thursday morning they kiss him and hug him and put him in a cab to the airport. 

The reality however is that as soon as the cab pulled away Michael told him a different destination. A motel that was a couple of miles from the office. 

He spends a week watching videos he’s not in, keeping an eye on social media and basically waiting for any sign that they missed him. They make a comment in AHWU about him, _Michael’s not here today but you know, who needs that fucker_ they’re laughing kindly and it’s almost immediately followed by _Seriously Michael come home soon we miss you_ But the follow up goes completely in one ear and out the other as Michael curls up on his bed letting the words consume him and darken his already broken heart. The words echo through his brain all night and keep him awake long into the early hours of the morning. 

The guys feel the empty space in their bed but they don’t say a word. They let him have time with his parents in peace while Michael stares at his phone a mile away waiting desperately for anything. While Michael makes a decision he never wanted to make.

\---

Gavin wished he had paid more attention or followed up on his suspicions. He wished he had done something sooner when he wandered around the office for a good hour looking for his boyfriend. He had asked Michael to meet up with him for a late lunch stroll but the man had never shown up. Jack hadn’t seen him since before lunch, Ray was no help at all and Ryan said he’d been in the studio. 

“Hey, Linds you seen Michael?” He asked as he walked over to her desk, trying to look as calm as possible. 

“Yeah he went home a while ago, told me to tell you bye, sorry I forgot.” She 

“He told you to tell us bye.” Gavin repeated, letting the words sink in.

“Yeah, he said, and I quote, can you tell the guys I said goodbye. Then he hugged me and left via the studio door, happy? Anything else you need to know about his travelling patterns?” He could tell she was assuming Gavin was just being his normal difficult self. He couldn’t blame her, she had no idea what Gavin was thinking. Distant, planning for things in advance, the off hand comments. It was really starting to make sense and built up a weight in Gavins stomach. 

Gavin was seriously cursing the fact that they had moved in together as he ran from the studio to the office. Mainly because if Michael still lived across the street Gavin could have run over there in minutes with no problem at all but, as it stood now, he had to track someone down to get him over there. 

Luck on his side he found Geoff leaning drowsily on his desk, headphones on as he messed with the edit open on his screen. Gavin marched over and pulled the older man headphones off and threw them onto the desk as Geoff let out a confused cry. 

“Geoff we need to go see Michael.” 

“Isn’t he here?” Geoff asked, reaching for his headphones again but stopping as Gavin slapped his hand away.

“No Lindsay says he’s gone home.”

“Okay sure, lemme just finish off this edit and I’ll drive you over.” Gavin shook his head and clicked off the monitor.

“No. Now.” Geoff reached over to turn the monitor back on so he could at least save his wor.

“Yeah okay, I’ll just-”

“Geoff please, I think something’s going to happen.” Geoff sat up straight and spun his chair around at the fear in Gavins voice. 

“What’s going on Gav?” He asked slowly. 

“I’m scared Geoff. I’m scared he’s gonna do something stupid and we aren’t even going to try and save him.” Geoffs eyes widen and he feels himself paling.

“You’re serious aren’t you?” 

“I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS!” Gavin screeched and drew in a few fast, panicked breaths before taking off out of the door yelling _come on Geoff!_ The older man scrambled to his feet and followed Gavin, unlocking the door as he approached they both jumped into the front seats and Geoff had the engine started before the doors had even closed. 

“You better tell me what the hell is happening right now.” Geoff instructed as calmly as he could with the dread that was washing over him.  
“He’s been weird for ages Geoff, and he keep saying all these things about how it’d be okay if he wasn’t here. He has weeks of Rage Quits ready on his computer and he never prepares for those and then I thought I heard him crying in the bathroom earlier. Then Lindsay told me he had gone home and he told her to say goodbye to us.”

“Like… _goodbye_ goodbye?”

“I think so Geoff, I think he’s going to kill himself.” 

It took nearly half as much time as it normally did to reach the house though to the men in the car it felt like a lifetime. Gavin was tapping his fingers on his knees and his legs were shaking anxiously as Geoff drove and they both leapt out of the car, Geoff not even bothering to shut his door as they ran to the house. The curtains were closed and the house was dark as they entered, they could hear Michael talking from the living room and made their way over quickly.

The young man was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace on the carpeted floor of the living room. He was shirtless and barefoot and there were thick red lines across the tops of his arms. He had his hands in his hair as he paced, tugging at the auburn locks, a pill bottle rattling in one hand. A half empty bottle of whiskey stood tall on the coffee table and Gavin shouted as he shook himself out of his shock. 

“Michael!”  
The man stopped pacing and his head shot up in surprise, his hair was mussed and there were tears cutting rivers down his flushed face. He dropped the pill bottle which tumbled to the floor and spilled tiny white tablets over the floor as the lid popped off. 

“Gav….Geoff…I-” He couldn’t continue his stammered words as Gavin dove across the room and tackled down. They both fell to the floor with a thud. Michael groaned as his back hit the carpet and he looked up at the other man, dazed. 

“What were you doing? You fucking idiot! Why would you?” Gavin sobbed as he held Michael tight against him.

“Gavin!” He squeaked, unable to say anything else in that moment. He was shocked that they had come for him, even more that they had figured it out. His brain was working a mile a minute and all he could do was focus on the body collapsed on his. 

Suddenly Geoff was right in his line of sight and he wa holding in his hands the tiny pills that had spilled out. 

“Did you take any?” He asked quickly and firmly, looking Michael right in the eye as he spoke.

“Huh?” Michael replied, still feeling out of it and off kilter as he tried to focus on his boyfriends question.

“These pills, did you take any?” Michael shook his head, keeping his eyes on the floor. 

“n-no, I…I didn’t. Not yet.” 

“Not ever.” Geoff corrected; marching over to the kitchen he dropped all the pills into the sink and turned on the garbage disposal, sighing in relief as he watched them disappear down the drain. 

He then returned to the room to find Michael sitting up slightly, his back against the fireplace and Gavin still squeezing him tightly. He sat down on the coffee table and looked down at Michael with stern, concentrated eyes. 

“You’re mad at me.” Michael whispered and Geoff’s heart clenched when he heard the pain and anguish in those few words. He sighed and reached over to hold Michaels shoulder, squeezing it gently for comfort.

“I’m mad, oh I’m fucking mad alright but not at you. Never at you. I’m sad that you shouldn’t tell us how you were feeling, I’m fucking devastated that you felt like this at all and I’m mad that we didn’t see what was happening but no, Michael, I’m not mad at you.”

“I’m so sorry Geoff.” 

“You don’t have to be. Nothing happened, we got here in time and you weren’t a complete idiot so you don’t have to be sorry. You just have to tell me that it’s going to be okay now.” Michael was shocked by the break in his hid boyfriends voice and even more shocked when he felt his arms wrap around him and Geoffs shaking body pressing against he and Gavin. 

“Geoff?” He whispered, voice thick with emotion.

“Tell me you’re going to be fucking alright baby, please.” Geoff croaked and Michael felt new tears soak into the corner of his shirt. 

“I- okay, Geoff yeah I’m going to be fine.” He reassured, though who he was trying to convince he wasn’t sure. They had proved him wrong, when they came searching for him, when they stopped him. They proved him wrong when they cared and cried but Michael wasn’t sure it was going to be that easy to be okay.

Michael allowed himself to be sat up and they all rose together, Gavin took one hand and Geoff the other as they staggered over to the couch and curled up together at one end. Geoff tucked his head into the crook of Michael neck and Gavin wrapped both arms around the men and Michael broke.

He just broke like someone had taken a sledgehammer to the damn in his heart and everything fell apart. 

He was heaving blubbering sobs and curling into Gavin the next second. Unintelligible words streamed out of his mouth, begging and pleading, apologies and heartbreak , his body tensing and shuddering as he left everything out. He told them he had no idea when the feelings started, they just came on all of a sudden one day and consumed his every waking moment. Everything got harder and harder and he figured that this was the only way for it all to end. 

He cried himself into exhaustion after a while, his head lolling against Gavin as his sobs became weak whimpers and his chest stuttered out its last few harsh breaths before relaxing and taking in much needed air. 

Geoff reached for his phone and sent of a text to the others that read _You need to get home,_ and left it on the couch as he tucked his arms back around Michael as he relaxed into sleep. Gavin rubbed gently at the little frown lines on the young man’s forehead that showed his struggles even in slumber and wiped away his tears with his thumb. 

“It’s okay now Michael, we’ll get you through this.” He whispered and Michael sighed and snuggled closer to him, subconsciously hearing the promise. 

Later, when the others burst through the door, confused and worried they found all three men sleeping in that corner of the couch, arms around each other and tear tracks dried on their faces. They busy themselves with nonsense until the men stir and the revelation of what had occurred was revealed. They put on a movie, manoeuvred Michael into the centre of the couch where they could all hold him close and let him have this moment of peace before the hard part began.


End file.
